The Night of Paranoia

Yes, Clarissa thinks, it's time for the day to be over. We throw our parties; we abandon our families to live alone in Canada; we struggle to write books that do not change the world, despite our gifts andout unstinting efforts, our most extravagant hopes. We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep-it's as simple and ordinary as that. A few jump out of windows or drown themselves or take pills; more die by accident; and most of us, the vast majority, are slowly devourerd by some disease or, if we're very fortunate, by time itself. There's just this for consolation: an hour here or there when our lives seem, against all odds and expectations, to burst open and give us everything we've ever imagined, though everyone but children (and perhaps even they) knows these hours will be inevitably followed by others, far darker and more difficult. Still, we cherish the city, the morning; we hope, more than anything, for more.Heaven only knows why we love it so.

(Cunningham, 225-226)Cunningham, Michael. The Hours. New York: Picador, 2002.

The place: Khao San Road, Bangkok, Thailand. The problem: we all look for love. We receive many "no"s. However, we only need one yes. It is the search for that one "yes" that consumes us so, that drives us to paranoia and fear, to sadness and tears, in the hopes that one day we do receive that yes, and that our searches, along with its pains and tortures, are retroactively made worthwhile. Until that magical point occurs, and there is no guarantee that it does, we only have faith, perhaps in a life that has proven to be disappointing, that happiness will be delivered. And at that point, it does appear that somestimes Heaven only knows why we love life so.

Where I Come From

On the bus from Ko Samet to Bangkok I decided to take a look on the pictures on my phone. These were photos stored back a little after I got my then new phone from the Philippines four years ago. It hit me that while I had been in Tokyo for a little over a year and have been travelling in Southeast Asia for a little over a month, home is Montreal. Home is where my sister is. Home is where my friends and family are.

It was quite the powerful emotion. It almost made me cry.

I still have a lot to do before I would like to go home. At the same time, I can't wait to go back.

Ko Samet

The bus ride to Ko Samet would have not been all that bad had it not been for the AC unit that gushed water onto the seat next to me whenever the bus decelerated or went downfill. There was this rather cute-looking guy on the bus behind me, but he continued on to Ko Chang. Oh well.

Ko Samet has an absolutely wonderful beach where I have been passing my time sun tanning with two girls who I have met on the boat ride here by names of Brittany and Nicky. Yesterday we tanned to the point of slight burn, so today I was more liberal with the sunscreen. We invited this one man to sit with us, who ended up being one of the guys who I checked out from afar due to cool tats and and amazing bod. He talked a lot but was nice, I suppose.

More tanning for me as of now! The Internet on this island is expensive.

P.S.: Many e-mails have been sent out and I fully expect lots of replies!

Bangkok, Part 2

The day before yesterday I went on a day trip to Ayuthaya. The day trip itself was okay but the real highlight was meeting these awesome couple who have been travelling for nine months and will be doing so for three more. They got me liquored on the side of the street, where these dogs started figthing and this older woman simply took charge by whacking them with a stick.

The next day I went to Bangkok's biggest market, which is only open on the weekends. Didn't buy much but stuffed my face with cheap street eats and drinks, including iced milk tea which was poured between two buckets at heights up to five feet while being spun around by a person. Later on that night, Leann (scubadiving buddy) and I ran intothis girl who was also on the day trip with this Indian guy who also speaks Japanese and went for food and drinks. We'll be seeing them again tonight.

Tomorrow, I leave for Ko Samet, for some more beach action. Can't wait!

Bangkok

Eri left the day before yesterday. Was pretty cut, and still feel a little lost. We simply travelled together, and it's not like we talked all the time or did everything together, but her presence was a constant reassurance for me. It's funny how much that girl understands me, too.

The shopping in Bangkok is crazy good. I indulged a little bit and the credit card has been swiped. The shopping malls are better than anything in Montreal and perhaps Canada as a whole, and the food to be had there is sugoi good. At the same time, food from right down the street and served on it for $1.33 was one of the best meals I have had in life. Last night I had some Pad Thai with some spring rolls, satay, and a bucket of alcohol on a Playschool chair. It costed $10.

More later, the Internet meter is almost out.

Koh Samui, Day Two

Eri and I leave our little paradise island today. I think these two days were exactly what I needed: just some time to plant myself in a small space where I can adopt a micro-routine of doing not much of anything yet still making the most of it. I got up a little early to make the most of our continued good weather under which I tanned more while reading, listening to music, and checking out boys. I have a few excuses on why I didn't hit on any, but those will be gone once I am alone, and at that point I fully expect myself to by flirty and social. I think Koh Chang or Koh Samet will be my next stop after Bangkok: I still have not had my fill of lazy beach behavior.

Koh Samui, The Return

Last night I talked with the Starbuks barista who recognized me from the last time I was here. I asked him out for drinks after his shift: I met him at this bar where we had quite a bit of whiskey and coke with his friends. We then took that unfinished bottle with us to a local restaurant, where the staff proceeded to make us more whiskey coke using the booze we brought it. How economical. It was a little less date-like than I would have hoped - I didn't ask him out for drinks because I didn't know where to go per se - but I have no complaints: it did turn out to be an interesting night on the town.

The next day, Eri and I lied on the beach and tanned. Finally. I started the afternoon with a beer. I am now just as tanned as when we left Vung Tau, but as you know, I am greedy and want more of a tan. Hopefully we'll be able to have one more go before we head for Bangkok tomorrow night.

SCUBA, Part 2

Today we had this sexy-ass videographer shoot video of our third and fourth dives today, thus completing our open water scuba certification. I wanted to do many naughty things to him. He was buzzcut-blonde, muscly, had wonderful eyes, and was so easy to talk to. And then we left the island without buying his overly priced video. Wah wah wah.

Scuba diving was so peaceful today. Getting up at 6:50 was not all that bad. The visibility was still poor, but we managed to see quite a few things. I think I enjoy scuba more for the serenity of it all, where for 45 minutes you just glide around in silence less the sound of bubbles floating out of your regulator.

Eri and I are now back in Koh Samui. Tomorrow, if Mother Nature is not PMS-ing, I hope to hit the beach to tan while drinking profusely and cruising.

SCUBA

When you are 12 meters deep and you look up and cannot see the waterline, you kind of have to fight the urge to panic. But when you get over it and get used to underwater manoeuvring, the sights that you see are positively beautiful. It really is a different world down there, with different animals, sensations, and ways of getting around, almost like you are flying.

Eri and I finished the theoretical bits of ourt training today. In the afternoon we went on two dives. The second one was in particularly wavy waters, but underwater it was quite expansive and calm. Unfortunatelty, on the way back sea sickness got the better of Eri and I as we spewed off the side of the boat.

Tomorrow, we start at 7:30 (gah!) for our last two dives, including one that will go at our maximum certified depth: 18 meters! That will be exciting! Then it's back to Koh Samui with certification in hand! Back to an island with much better food, beaches, and Starbucks. I think I'll try to strike a conversation with that guy who I met a year ago and still remembers me today. Hm...

Arrival Koh Tao

We took a high speed catamaran here. Oddly enough, the Thai man who gave the announcements sounded Jamaican.

We started our scuba certification today. We had to wake up at 730, for which we were not pleased. Training was a touch too slow but essential. Getting in the water for the first time was great, though. We practiced a few necessary skills for diving, and then we had our first dive up to 12 meters. which was really fun. We have another day-and-a-half until we are certified. Sugoi!

Koh Tao doesn't seem to have much more than diving, so after doing so, I can't wait to get back to Koh Samui. Unfortunately, the eye-candy level is a bit discouraging there. Feeling a bit lonely, though. Someone knows why.

I've seem to have said this in a few e-mails sent today, so I may was well put it here that I am somewhat missing a sense of stability. There has been so much hoppng around - by necessity and want of, course - but soon I think i just want to land somewhere and stike a good balance between relaxing and sinking my feelers into a place and yet being active and doing things. But that could be as little as laying on a beach for quite some time. If the weather were to clear up.

Arrival Koh Samui

Yesterday Eri and I flew into Koh Samui. And then the power went out. For two hours. So we just talked in our hotel room on how to please men. We still have much to discuss. When the power decided to come back on, we had a small meal which was deliciously yet painfully spicy. IT WAS SO GOOD!

We just booked a 4-day PADI open water scuba certification course, which will start tomorrow. Today we shall just take it easy, and hope our stools improve.

Shit

And cramps. Eri had her day the day before yesterday. Mine is today. I am not amused. Feel like there are knives going through my intestines. But I got some medication.

I will persevere.

Tomorrow, Koh Samui. Hopefully this will start to abate.

Angkor

Yesterday was a little bit of a write-off, seeing that Eri and I couldn't get our shit together: we had the runs. And we still do, but today it's a little more manageable.

Today, we got up at 7:15 to go to Angkor, where there are temples galore. Over 350 pictures were taken, and now I have a hideous farmer's tan. We were there for around eight hours.

Tomorrow we will be going to Angkor again, and then the next day we will be leaving for Koh Samui, Thailand, from where we will be taking a boat to Koh Tao to get our scubadiving licenses. I've never been to the latter, but I have been to the former, where I absolutely died. Can't wait to go back!

Put A Smile On Your Face

Make the world a better place
Put a smile on your face...

Because crying hurts so. Team Vietnam has parted ways. But we were the best team. And I have never travelled with a cooler group of people. I mean, those days would be something would tell my grandchildren if I were to have children in the first place.

Now Alex, Brent and Stef are back in Tokyo. Eri and I are in Cambodia. All of us are fucking sad. Vietnam for us was like a dream from which we have unfortunately woken up from and are desperately wanting to fall back to sleep to. Like druggies, we seek refuge in what is now past instead of forcing ourselves to the lack that is around us. Eventually we'll snap out of it. And like I said before, we are only this sad because we love each other this much.

This entry is really not living up to its name.

Tomorrow Eri and I will head to Angkor Wat, five hours away by way of bus. However, if our GI system continues to bitch, we will be performing many Angkor Squats. From there, it's to Ko Samui and Ko Thao for diving.

As usual, please wish for the well-being of my passport.

Ho Chi Minh City, Part 3

Tomorrow Eri and I will be continuing on our adventures to Cambodia. I do not have a clue about this country, except that it has Angkor Wat, which is supposed to have tons of temples to explore. I mean, that is why we are going there.

Alex, Brent, and Stefanie flew back to Tokyo last night. Without them, HCMC seems so hollow. Eri and I are ready to check out, although we don't know how we can possibly outdo what has been such a great start to our vacation. Alex and I have become really close over the last few months - we kind of established a routine together that was our own, it made Japan not an extended vacation for me but rather a home. Stefanie and I became a lot closer and shared everything: shower doors became absolutely useless. And while I always knew that Brent was a great guy, I just learned more and more how much of a genuine and caring person he is. It was really hard for me, for while I know I will see them again, I just don't know when. But I'm sure if Brent puts his PSP battery to service mode, he will be able to hack me a ticket to see everyone. That's how much of a good hacker Brent is.

Then there is the matter of new friends made in HCMC. To all of us he took us under his wing, took us around HCMC and beyond, showed us all kinds of crazy nice restaurants, arranged bus tickets... But above and beyond all those things, he was just unconditionally nice to us from the get-go and became our friend. There are few people who are purely and simply nice like Lam for reasons none other than to be so, and all of us of Team Vietnam agree that our trip would have not been as kick-ass had we not have met him.

To me... let's just say I'm pissed off that Australia is far away. But I am so happy to have met him, and his name will always leave me with a smile. I hope I have done the same.

Yeah, this entry is getting quite sad. But all the sadness written here is really happiness that unfortunately yet in some cases necessarily must come to an end if not a pause.